How to Make the Holiday Season Work for You: A Guide to Setting Boundaries and Finding Joy
The holiday season often stirs up a mix of emotions, especially for those who grew up feeling isolated, neglected, or who experienced adverse experiences. For high achievers, the season may carry an additional layer of pressure—to perform, please, or even escape. But what if, instead, this time of year could be a season that works for you, aligning with your needs and goals?
This guide will walk you through clarifying your focus for the season, setting boundaries to protect it, and making choices that align with your well-being.
Step 1: Define Your Holiday Focus
The holiday season is what you make of it. Getting clear on your intentions can shape how you navigate the weeks ahead, helping you create a season that meets your needs rather than everyone else’s expectations. Instead of moving through the season with vague intentions, take a step back and define a clear focus.
Take some time to ask yourself these questions:
How do I want to spend this season? Consider if you want this time to be a period for connecting with friends and family, recharging and relaxing, exploring and adventuring, or even planning and preparing for the coming year.
What do I need most right now? If you are craving downtime, prioritize rest and self-care. If you are feeling energized, maybe adventure or social gatherings would be more fulfilling. Understand that prioritizing what you need now is essential to your mental health and well-being.
Where does my energy feel most aligned? Reflect on how your focus could serve you best this season—whether that is giving back to your community, spending quality time with loved ones, or taking time for personal enjoyment.
By defining your holiday focus, you set the tone for the season. Let it guide you in designing a meaningful experience that aligns with your unique needs and desires.
Step 2: Set Boundaries to Support Your Focus
Once you have clarified your focus, boundaries will help protect that vision. Think of these boundaries as a way to honor the time you have carved out and prevent external pressures from diluting your intention. Remember that boundaries are a personal commitment for you to maintain rather than impose on others.
Here are a few examples to consider based on common holiday goals:
If your focus is on relaxation and self-care: You might decide to take time off from work, limit holiday commitments, and avoid overbooking your schedule. This can involve saying “no” to others in order to protect your peace and allow yourself the time you deserve to rest and recharge.
If your focus is on connection: Communicate your availability to those closest to you and intentionally carve out time with those who are meaningful to you. This could mean setting your phone to silent mode to stay present during gatherings or declining last-minute requests for your time to prioritize existing plans with loved ones.
If your focus is on adventure: Give yourself permission to skip traditional gatherings and take a holiday trip instead. Create new traditions for yourself or your family. This might be the perfect moment to finally go on that trip you have been putting off due to work commitments.
While setting boundaries, understand that these limits are flexible and may change depending on circumstances. However, it is essential to be intentional when adjusting boundaries. What is motivating your decision to change plans? Often, we are tempted to set aside boundaries to accommodate others. It may be tempting to think, “They need my help,” or “Their needs are more important than mine” While these feelings may be valid, for high achievers, there may be a pattern of overcommitting and neglecting personal needs.
It is not uncommon to feel the need to attend every event or help every person, out of fear of missing an opportunity or disappointing others. Yet, being too flexible with your time can lead to burnout, resentment, and disappointment. Know what you are giving up when you say “yes” too often, and remind yourself of the value in saying “no.”
By maintaining clear boundaries that align with your focus, you allow yourself to be fully present and enjoy the holiday season in the way that best serves you.
Step 3: Embrace Flexibility
Remember, your focus does not need to be rigid. For instance, you might spend the first week resting and then dedicate the second week to reconnecting with family. Staying aligned with what feels best to you—without being overly strict—allows for an organic, enjoyable holiday season.
Flexibility does not mean abandoning your intentions but rather adapting thoughtfully. Perhaps plans change, or an unexpected opportunity arises that aligns with your needs and goals. The key is to understand the reason behind any shift. Are you adjusting plans to meet your needs, or are you feeling obligated by external expectations? Make sure that changes are supporting, rather than detracting from, your holiday focus.
High achievers, especially, may feel compelled to say “yes” to every invitation, fearing missed opportunities. However, remember that the true essence of this season lies in aligning with your intentions. If that means declining a few invitations to protect your time, let it be so. A season spent honoring your own boundaries and values will be far more fulfilling than one filled with obligations that do not serve you.
Takeaways for a Fulfilling Holiday Season:
Clarify Your Vision: Decide on the experience you want this holiday season to deliver. Ask yourself what would feel genuinely satisfying and restorative, and let this vision serve as your guiding intention.
Set Boundaries: Define clear boundaries around your time and energy that support your vision. These boundaries are essential to protect your focus and should be upheld firmly. Communicate them if needed to ensure others respect them.
Stay Flexible and Intentional: Your focus may shift week by week, and that is perfectly okay. Honor what feels right in the moment while remaining true to your broader vision of how you want this season to support you.
Release Perfection: There is no single "right" way to spend the holidays. There is only what feels right for you. Give yourself permission to prioritize your needs and let go of the need for a perfect holiday experience.
VG Therapy Collective is here to support you in making this holiday season truly yours. Take control, set boundaries, and prioritize what matters most to you. Create a season of joy and fulfillment on your own terms. If you are ready to start this journey with guidance and support, book a consultation with one of our therapists today. Let us help you make this your most meaningful season yet.
