How Couples Therapy Works—and Why the Process Matters
When couples finally decide to begin therapy, it is often after the emotional weight has become too much to carry—arguments are escalating, communication feels impossible, or a rupture has occurred. The need for help is clear, but the path forward often is not.
This is especially true for couples with demanding careers. Therapy can feel like another task to squeeze in—one more thing competing with your time, energy, and mental bandwidth. I work with high-achieving couples who want clarity but do not always realize how therapy fits into their lives or what the process actually involves.
And that is where momentum often gets lost—not because therapy is failing, but because expectations are misaligned with the process.
The Emotional State of Starting Couples Therapy
Most couples enter therapy in crisis or emotional overwhelm. The distress is immediate, and the desire for relief is urgent. That urgency is valid. At the same time, sustainable change requires structure and pacing. The therapy process is designed to help you slow down, understand what is happening underneath the surface, and move forward with more clarity and emotional awareness.
It is common to want to jump straight into the hurts and raw spots. As your therapist, I want to help you go there—but only after we have a clear, accurate understanding of what drives those patterns.
What the First Phase of Therapy Looks Like
The first month of couples therapy is foundational—and yes, it is often the most expensive part. Not because of hidden fees, but because of the amount of time and attention required to understand your relationship and what each partner brings into it.
During this phase, I follow a clear structure that gives us the data and connection we need to move forward:
Extended Couples Assessment (90 minutes)
Two Traditional Individual Sessions (50 minutes each)
Extended Strategy Session (90 minutes)
These four sessions typically take between 4–6 weeks to complete. During this time, I am assessing relationship dynamics, mapping emotional cycles, and beginning to build a treatment plan that fits your goals. It is intensive work on my end—and it is critical work for both of you.
Why Some Couples Lose Momentum
This is the phase where I often see couples hesitate. The time, emotional energy, and financial investment feel front-loaded—and that can be discouraging if you are expecting immediate progress. But once we complete this initial phase, therapy levels out. We shift to a bi-weekly rhythm using 90-minute extended sessions, giving you the space to implement strategies, reflect, and build connection.
The couples who stay through this early phase see real shifts—emotionally and relationally.
Why I No Longer Offer 50-Minute Couples Sessions
Earlier in my career, I offered traditional 50-minute weekly sessions. I realized quickly that this format did not serve my couples well. Sessions felt rushed. We were skimming the surface of deep issues. And weekly sessions became hard to sustain for couples juggling work, parenting, and full schedules.
Now, I only offer extended 90-minute sessions, and I typically meet with couples bi-weekly. This structure gives us time to get to the heart of the issue while respecting your schedule and energy. It works—because it aligns with how couples actually live and function.
What My Role Actually Looks Like
Many couples think therapy is just about talking through problems. But my role is far more active. I am tracking emotional patterns, decoding unspoken dynamics, assessing attachment histories, and creating a safe space for both partners to be seen and heard.
I guide the session, slow things down when conflict escalates, and help you both understand what is really being communicated beneath the surface. This is not passive work. It is layered, strategic, and designed to move you toward repair.
A Faster Way to Build Momentum
For couples who want a faster start, I created the Accelerated Couples Session—a 3.5-hour intensive that completes the entire foundational process in a single day. It includes:
A full couples assessment
Two individual sessions
A strategy session
A treatment plan and follow-up recommendations
This is ideal for couples who are short on time or who want to move quickly into the heart of the work without waiting weeks to complete the setup phase. The accelerated session offers flexibility, structure, and momentum—all in one.
This is not a shortcut. It is a focused, high-impact option that respects your time and your relationship.
What Success Looks Like
Therapy is not about perfection—it is about emotional clarity, deeper connection, and the ability to navigate conflict without losing each other. Most couples who follow the recommended bi-weekly extended session structure see meaningful change within a year. At that point, many reduce session frequency or choose to complete therapy.
Others continue longer, not because they need to, but because they want to keep growing. The decision is always yours. My role is to support your goals—not to keep you in therapy longer than necessary.
If You Are Considering Therapy
Couples therapy does not have to feel like another impossible commitment. When it is structured well, it becomes a stabilizing part of your life—something that gives more than it takes. Whether you are navigating a crisis, preparing for marriage, or trying to rebuild after a rupture, this process can meet you where you are and help you move forward with clarity.
Your time is valuable. So is your relationship. Therapy should honor both.
